Are you someone who feels very detached from the people around you?
You’ve probably heard yourself say how much you hate everyone a couple of times a day.
Maybe you just don’t have a genuine interest in others, or there’s something about them that you just don’t like.
Perhaps you’re blaming others for the way you feel but deep down, you might also be wondering if you are at fault in the first place.
Somewhere in the past, things were a lot different. Maybe you had a lot of friends, you enjoyed your social life and made friends easily wherever you went.
And so, you often stop to think about what went wrong and what changed within you that made you start to dislike people.
But here’s something you might not have realized: if you step back a little and really ask yourself “why do I hate everyone?”, your answers are most likely linked to a certain painful event that happened to you before.
Hatred is a very strong negative emotion, and only an equally strong trauma or pain could have triggered such feeling. There is nothing inherently wrong with this sort of hate, it is simply a reaction towards what you have gone through in the past.
But your hatred becomes a very big problem when you allow it to affect you and how you live your life.
All of us are not safe from painful experiences but it is up to us how we deal with and move on from these traumas. And so, there is always a choice to live a life full of love instead of living with so much hate.
You may be wondering why you should start hating others less. The truth is, no one can tell you what you should do with your emotions.
But if you realize what you are missing out on when you give in to hate, you might have a different perspective.
Why You Should Not Let Hate Win
Hatred creates barriers, not only from others but also from yourself. It isolates you from your surroundings and hinders you from being your true self.
But the worst part of it all is that it is something which you created for yourself – not the person or thing who hurt you.
And when you start creating walls, you are also limiting yourself to a multitude of possibilities.
Although some of those possibilities could still bring pain and harm, most of them also carry memorable once-in-a-lifetime experiences.
By letting hate win, you are also putting limitations on how you live your own life.
Instead of freely making decisions for yourself, you are unconsciously allowing your painful past to dictate your future, your relationships, and your personality. And there should be no amount of pain that justifies why you should deprive yourself of your own happiness.
In order to understand how you can stop hating, you have to get to know a few of the reasons why you began hating everyone in the first place.
Below are some of the plausible causes behind all that hatred you feel.
Possible Reasons Why You Hate Everyone
You’re Angry or Have Anger Bottled Up Inside of You
The most common reason why a person would have hostile feelings towards others is that he or she is angry about something.
It may be an issue that has yet to be resolved or a problem that is constantly occurring in their lives.
People who vent their anger once in a while have it easier than those who tend to keep their anger bottled up inside of them.
We all know that we should go through these emotions in order to heal. But if you’re hating everyone, it probably means that you have some pain that has not yet been healed. Which is why you are still carrying the burden of such strong emotions.
You’re Grieving Over A Loss
Another cause of the hatred you might be feeling is grief from loss. No one likes to lose something that’s close to their heart.
Not only is it painful but the idea of not being able to retrieve the same person or thing makes it even more unacceptable.
While a great loss causes some people to hold onto their loved ones tighter than ever, there are also some people who let others go.
If you are hating everyone, you might be one of the people in the latter group. You are familiar with the pain of losing someone precious to you and so you try to create a distance between you and others around you.
More often than not, your hatred isn’t directed towards a certain person. But the idea of losing someone again triggers that feeling.
You Have Difficulties Trusting Others Again
Trust is a key ingredient to all relationships. Perhaps someone has betrayed you in the past and the pain you’ve gone through made you realize that your trust isn’t for free.
You begin to second-guess the intentions of others or worse, you actually begin to believe that everyone has an ulterior motive.
And whenever you meet someone who reminds you of that person who hurt you, you start associating that person with your offender.
Even without getting to know them, you already dislike them just because they remind you of your past.
You begin to lose trust in the good of other people simply because you limit yourself to your past experience.
You No Longer Put Up with Things You Disagree On
As you grow older, you become more and more familiar with the things you can or cannot tolerate.
The sad news is, the number of intolerable things also increase as you grow older.
It is much easier to be open-minded during our more youthful years. This is because we are still at the beginning of our journey and our curiosity pushes us to experience anything life throws at us.
But things are a lot different as we age.
We’ve learned that the world isn’t very kind all the time and that it can bring us harm that’s more painful than we could imagine.
And because we’ve been burned once, we are taking a lot of precautionary measures to keep ourselves safe – and it usually involves hating on everything and everyone.
After all, many of us believe that it is easier to hate than to risk ourselves for love.
You Prioritize Yourself A Lot More Than Before
Now that you’ve experienced a number of painful events in your life, you also begin to prioritize yourself more.
Although this can be seen from a more positive perspective, the reason behind it still comes from a very negative place.
Making yourself a priority out of too much hate is a form of self-preservation rather than an attempt at personal development.
Instead of growing, you are actually pushing away a lot of things such as new opportunities and a chance at happiness.
How to Deal with All The Hate
Now that you have probably figured out the core of your hatred, let’s talk about the things you can do to slowly change the way you feel about others.
Below are some tips on what to do when you always ask: why do I hate everyone?
You’ve probably heard by now the many wonderful advantages meditation can offer you. And you’ve also probably read this type of advice a million of times in the past.
But there’s really no better alternative to spiritual pain than to start a meditation practice.
Through meditation, you are able to let go of the hurt that you’ve been keeping for a very long time.
Even though it looks like a passive way to solve your problems, you are actively giving your spiritual self the attention and care that it needs. And we all know that in order to start loving others, we need to love ourselves first.
Volunteer work doesn’t exist just to make you feel like a good person.
Although the warm and fuzzy feeling you get after helping someone is definitely a plus, volunteer work also opens your eyes to the pain of others. And perhaps you would also be able to meet someone who shares the same burden as you do.
Oftentimes, we find it difficult to talk to our family or to our friends simply because they do not understand what we are going through.
So why not talk to someone who does? Their experience may not be totally similar to yours, but even so, you might be able to relate.
As we’ve mentioned, hatred isolates you from the people around you and your surroundings as well.
So one way to counteract this is to go out into the world and embark on an adventure alone.
Through this journey, you might realize how big the world really is and that the pain you might be carrying might start to feel a little bit smaller.
During your travels, you will be exposed to many new and different things. Depending on your location, you might also face certain challenges such as language barriers and cultural differences.
But through these challenges, you might be able to learn something new about yourself which you never knew in the past.
Oftentimes, the hate we feel is brought about by our own insecurities. It’s time that we dare ourselves to do something different and create memories that we will be proud of someday.
It is also a good opportunity for us to realize our own strengths and the things that make us beautiful and unique in the world.
You will also be able to meet new people on your journey and you will then see that they too have stories that make them beautiful and unique.
Review Your Bucket List
When you start hating everyone, it could also be a sign that you’ve outgrown the crowd you used to be in.
People change throughout the years and they develop new interests and goals they want to achieve.
So it is very normal that people tend to drift away from each other, no matter how close they were at one point in their lives.
If others are busy trying to catch up with their dreams, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be doing the same.
Take out your old bucket list or make one if you’ve never written before.
Bring passion back into your life and you’ll start to perceive life in a different way. By creating a list of goals and interests, you are actually giving more meaning to your life.
Learn Something New
In relation to creating a bucket list, it might be a good idea to learn something new as well. Not only does it serve as a positive form of distraction, you are also filling your life with more fun activities.
And when new interests are formed, there is also a chance that you might be able to meet new people with the same interests.
Perhaps your new passion can inspire you to start reaching out to other people. Not only is it a great way for you to start interacting, you are also able to nurture a relationship by learning new things from each other.
If you are hating the current crowd you are involved in, there’s no rule that requires you to stay stuck in the same place.
Be spontaneous and try to do new things often.
Sometimes, all it takes is a change and a new environment for us to realize that everybody is different – and so are you.
People say that we tend to attract people who share the same passions and interests as we do.
If you find yourself stuck in a rut, you might not be able to find the place you’ve been yearning for through your own interests.
Perhaps you’ve been disconnected from your previous passions and so now is a good time to experiment and to try your hand at anything that comes your way.
Change Your Look
Oftentimes, we let our own hatred drown us.
Since we started hating on others, we tend to stay away from anything that is associated with them as well – even if it was something we were interested in. Next thing you know it we’ve become an empty shell with no character.
One way to regain our self-love is to start rediscovering ourselves.
By giving yourself a new look, you are also allowing others to get to know you again. A lot of things may have changed within you; it’s time to open yourself to the people around you and reconnect.
Continue Being Kind
Most importantly, it is essential that you continue being kind if you wish to stop hating on everyone.
It may be difficult, especially if we think that the other person does not deserve our kindness.
But if there’s one thing we should remember about hate is that it is usually cured through forgiveness. It is only through forgiveness that we can begin to move on from our past hurt and pain.
Be generous with compliments and choose kind words over hurtful ones. Being kind doesn’t always mean having to go the extra mile for another person, it just means that you are no longer giving in to hate.
Are you asking yourself “why do I hate everyone?” The answer usually lies within. Our feelings of hate have less to do with the people around us, and more about what’s going on internally.
If we learn how to address and heal the current pain we feel, there is a bigger chance of learning how to stop hating other people.
This does not mean that you need to start loving everyone today. But it does mean that you need to start loving yourself more. And through the tips above, hopefully, you will be able to see the good in other people again.
Allen Wei is someone who believes in living his best life, focusing on balance, happiness, and relaxation. He fosters a positive lifestyle in terms of his body, mind, and environment, and he is a huge proponent of learning to be balanced via relaxation techniques integrated into our busy lives.